


Nothing Left to Say

by aliensandcats



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Blood and Injury, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-26
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2018-03-03 14:39:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2854466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliensandcats/pseuds/aliensandcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sebastian refuses to take his soul even after his revenge has been achieved, Ciel sees no point in the continuation of his life and attempts to end it. Sebastian had refused because he had grown fond of Ciel, so naturally Ciel's suicidal tendencies are undesireable for him as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Left to Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diabolus-puerum](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=diabolus-puerum).



> This story is set in a sort of AU that diabolus-puerum and I have created for our roleplay. I hope the first paragraph sums up the premise well enough to understand the rest of the story.
> 
> I took the title from the Imagine Dragons song of the same name.

When Sebastian had suddenly refused to consume  Ciel's soul, it had been a rather impulsive decision. Moments before devouring him, he suddenly realized that he had grown entirely too fond of the boy to end his life just yet, and so, on a whim, Sebastian had proposed an alteration to their contract. He suggested that in repayment for his three years of devoted service to Ciel, the young earl would remain as his companion for an equal length of time. Sebastian viewed the boy as a form of entertainment, and his soul would still be there for him to consume at a later time, but he was such a rare find that Sebastian selfishly desired to keep him for himself a while longer. Ciel had agreed to this alteration, but was not happy about it, and made certain to let  Sebastian know at every opportunity . In order to keep up appearances, Sebastian and Ciel returned to the  Phantomhive Estate, with Sebastian continuing to pose as Ciel's butler.

Since the alteration of their contract, Ciel had stopped allowing Sebastian to bathe him. On one hand, Sebastian didn’t mind it that much, as it gave him more time to devote to other things, but on the other hand he couldn’t help but worry about Ciel a little bit. He remembered the first time Ciel had attempted to bathe himself, years ago when they had first made their contract and were still getting used to each other, and Ciel had slipped and nearly cracked his skull on the floor. Of course Sebastian assumed that he had since learned to be more careful, but he still kept an ear out for any sounds that might signal disaster whenever the young earl was in the bath by himself.

On one particular evening, Sebastian couldn’t help but notice that things were eerily silent. There wasn’t even the sound of water sloshing slightly as Ciel moved. He glanced at a clock and found that Ciel had been in the bath for an unusually long time. Worry bubbled in his chest but he pushed it away, reasoning that Ciel had probably simply fallen asleep, though he decided that perhaps he should go wake him up before he drowned. As Sebastian neared the bathroom, however, a familiar smell reached his nose, somehow both delightful and sickening at the same time. He could very distinctly smell Ciel’s blood.

This time, he didn’t even try to ignore the worry that suddenly washed over him. He also didn’t bother to knock at the closed door before wrenching it open. “Ciel?” he called, but as soon as the name was out of his mouth he stopped cold.

Blood dripped off Ciel’s fingers as it drained from long gashes sliced into his arms and pooled on the floor outside of the tub. A shaving razor had fallen from his hand and was partially submerged in the puddle of blood. Ciel’s eyes were half closed, but when Sebastian entered, he’d glanced over at the source of the noise. When Ciel recognized him and gave a weak smirk, Sebastian snapped into action.

“What the fuck have you done?” He yelled as he grabbed the nearest towel to wrap around Ciel’s arms in an attempt to stop the bleeding. “Why the  hell would you do something like this?” he muttered as he worked, but the question was rhetorical. He knew the reason, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. He had other things to deal with at the moment. He found the arteries in Ciel’s upper arms and pressed on them with his fingers, desperate to slow the blood  flow to his wounds, where blood was already beginning to soak through the thick towels.

“Ciel?” he questioned harshly, but the boy was already half unconscious. “Look at me!” he yelled, loud enough to make his own ears ring slightly, but Ciel barely flinched. Sebastian could feel that the boy’s flesh was unnaturally cold, even under his gloves. “Damn it.”

Sebastian was not one for panicking, but his heart was starting to beat hard enough to hurt. He huffed through his nose, and released one of Ciel’s arms long enough to pull his glove off with his teeth and test the temperature of the water with his hand. It had cooled significantly, and was no longer warm enough to keep Ciel from going into shock. In fact, it was probably hastening the drop in body temperature by now.

Holding his glove between his teeth allowed Sebastian to taste the blood that had soaked into it. Sebastian was suddenly aware of how much he still craved Ciel’s soul. No matter how many other souls he consumed, he felt that he would never be satisfied without Ciel’s soul, and now it  was about to be extinguished and forever out of his reach. Sebastian felt torn as he lightly sucked on the finger of his glove, pulling more of Ciel’s delicious flavor onto his tongue. He could take Ciel’s soul now before it was forever beyond his reach, or he could continue his  efforts to save Ciel’s life and risk him dying anyway.

He opened his teeth and let the tempting garment fall from his mouth onto the floor. “You selfish little brat,” Sebastian hissed directly into Ciel’s ear. “You should know that even now I’m not just  going to sit back and let you die, even if it was by your own hand.”

He roughly pulled Ciel’s limp body from the red-tinted water and  took him to his bedroom. He snatched two ribbons to tie around Ciel’s upper arm to restrict the blood flow, and readjusted the towels before covering him with a blanket. Sebastian realized after a moment that just the blanket wasn’t going to be enough, as Ciel’s body probably wasn’t producing enough heat on it’s own. Going to heat a water bottle would take an uncomfortable amount of time, and Sebastian didn’t especially want to leave Ciel’s side at the moment. He only wavered for a split second before kicking his shoes off and getting under the blanket with Ciel, wrapping his warm body around the smaller, colder, shivering form of his young master, careful not to disturb the towels around his arms.

“Fuck you,” he whispered, “I’ll be damned if I let you die on my  watch. Well, I am a demon so I’m kind of damned already, but that’s not the point here.” Sebastian wasn’t normally so chatty, but he tried to keep talking in an effort to offer something for Ciel’s mind to latch on  to. Every so often he would loosen the ribbons for a bit so as not to cause any more damage to Ciel’s arms, while also reminding Ciel out loud that his stupidity was going to leave him with some dramatic scars for the rest of his life, not that he wasn’t scarred already.

Finally, the bleeding had stopped, and Ciel was no longer shivering. He seemed to have fallen asleep, so Sebastian stopped spouting off random insults and fell silent, but he still didn’t move,  unwilling to disturb Ciel or to risk him dying while he wasn’t looking. He had said he wasn’t going to let Ciel die on his watch and he  fully intended to keep his word. However in the current silence, Sebastian was able to think more thoroughly about what had just happened. When he had refused to take Ciel's soul, he'd known Ciel wouldn't like it. Besides, Ciel had made it abundantly clear at  the time that he was angry with Sebastian and that he already considered his life to be over. Sebastian realized now that of course after a statement like that he should have expected Ciel to do something like this.

"Selfish," he muttered under his breath. "You still owe me you know." He pulled his head back just far enough to look at Ciel's face, pale and slack, mouth  partially opened as he took short, shallow breaths, and Sebastian sighed. He could hear Ciel's voice in his head, using words like "fool" and "idiot" to admonish him as he had done innumerable times in the past. Sebastian muttered those words aloud now, perfectly mimicking Ciel's young voice, though he was unsure if he was now directing those words at Ciel or at himself. He frowned and laid his head down next to Ciel's again, waiting patiently for him to wake up and trying not to think much more about anything.

Even though demons didn't need sleep, they weren't incapable of it, and Sebastian eventually dozed off a bit, but as soon as Ciel stirred slightly he was fully alert once more, though uncertain as to how much time had passed. Ciel opened his eyes, but was clearly confused as to what exactly was happening.

"S'bast'n?" he questioned quietly.

"Yes."  Sebastian felt vaguely nervous, suddenly acutely aware that he was still cuddling Ciel, and he was fairly certain that Ciel would not take kindly to that. He was right. As soon as Ciel realized what was happening, he reacted as  violently as his weakened state would allow, which in reality resembled little more than the thrashing of a newborn baby.

" G'off !" Ciel slurred, and even as weak as he was, Sebastian could sense the anger and resentment rolling off of him. Sebastian  reluctantly released Ciel from his grip, and didn't return even when Ciel immediately shivered from the loss of warmth.

"I will prepare something warm for you to eat, so that you may regain some  strength ," Sebastian said, and without waiting for Ciel's reply, he left the room. Sebastian discovered that most of the night had passed while he was curled up next to Ciel, and under normal circumstances the morning would begin quite soon. Today, however, he decided to let the others sleep in. He didn't feel like dealing with them right now. He hurriedly prepared the most nutritional breakfast he could, making sure it was  rich in iron and other vitamins that Ciel was certainly going to need high concentrations of as his body tried to repair the damage he'd done to it.  When  Sebastian returned to Ciel's bedroom, after stopping briefly, he found that Ciel had pushed the bloody towels away, and had probably reopened his wounds in the process, as the sheets were smeared with blood. Ciel himself was curled up and shivering on the floor up against the wall, wrapped in the large, fluffy comforter which he had dragged down with him.

Sebastian twitched with anger. He just barely restrained himself from throwing the tray of food against the wall, instead setting it on the nightstand with a little more force than was necessary. "Honestly," he growled, pulling the blanket away from Ciel's still naked body. Ciel grunted and curled into himself more tightly as the blast of cool air hit his skin. Sebastian roughly grabbed the supplies off the tray, though when he took Ciel's arms in his hands, his touch was smooth and gentle, or at least it was until Ciel tried to pull away again. Sebastian tightened his grip only as much as was needed to keep hold of Ciel's arm, endeavoring not to injure him further, but Ciel continued to resist with what little strength he had. Finally Sebastian had had enough. He let go of Ciel's wrists and instead grabbed his shoulder with one hand and his chin with the other, lifting Ciel's face up to himself. "Stop. Fighting. Me."

Ciel glared back for a moment before exhaustion won out and his body went limp, though he did stubbornly pull his chin out of Sebastian's grip. Sebastian was pleased for a moment that he could return to the bandages without a struggle, but Ciel thoroughly ruined that moment when he muttered  a few words under his breath. "Fine. I guess I'll just have to be faster next time."

Sebastian felt his entire body go cold with a mix of fear and rage. He dropped Ciel's arms again, but this time he went for the boy's throat. He felt his canines descending slightly as his true form tried to take over, but he resisted. He held Ciel against the wall, closing his fingers just enough so that Ciel would still be able to breathe, but would have slight difficulty in doing so. "There will not be a next time, you fool," he hissed. "You still owe me, and I will not have you backing out of this contract yet. Do you understand me? I will not let you die in this manner." Sebastian closed his hand a little further, cutting off Ciel's airway entirely. He noticed that in his rage he had accidentally summoned a dark mist that was now shrouding the two of them, and he saw the fear flicker in Ciel's eyes.  "When you die, Ciel  Phantomhive , I intend to make sure that it is by my hand, and no one else's."  Sebastian had just enough control over himself that he wasn't letting his true form manifest physically, but he knew  by the way that Ciel was looking over his shoulder that there were two enormous shadows on the wall behind him that indicated the size of his wings.  "You are mine now. You sold your soul to me, and I've already paid for it with my service. Do you understand what that means for you? Do you?" 

Ciel had taken having his airway restricted with little resistance at first, but when he put one of his cold hands over top of Sebastian's, the demon realized that he needed to let go very soon if he didn't want Ciel to pass out. He gave one final squeeze for emphasis and relaxed his hand. Ciel immediately gasped and began coughing loudly, holding on to Sebastian's hand for support. Sebastian held still until Ciel had gotten his breath back, and then returned to the bandages once more as though nothing had happened. There were still remnants of Sebastian's anger, the odd mysterious black feather here and there  around the room, a few wisps of the dark mist lingering in corners, and long crack in the window that had surely not been there ten minutes ago.

Ciel was quiet for a long time, even as  Sebastian finished  bandaging his arms, and then changed the sheets on the bed so swiftly Ciel hardly noticed. He  still  remianed silent when Sebastian picked him up and set him back on the bed, dressed him in his night shirt, and then placed the tray of food in his lap. "I know you don't enjoy being hand fed but if you don't eat that yourself I will do it, " Sebastian said firmly.

Ciel took the fork lightly in his hand but didn't do much more than poke at the food with it until Sebastian took a step closer to the bed. Ciel hurriedly shoved a bite into his mouth without looking at Sebastian. He chewed slowly, swallowed and then finally spoke. "It's not that I want to back out of the contract. It's that it's taking entirely too long. My life is over. My life's purpose is fulfilled. There is literally no point to my  existence anymore." He angrily took another bite.

Sebastian paused for a moment before gingerly sitting on the edge of Ciel's bed. "I told you, your life's purpose is to live for me now. I will also remind you that you did not actually have to agree to the alteration of the contract. We could have worked out a better compromise. I did offer."

Ciel hummed derisively, but offered no other response. He was exhausted and just chewing his food was taking more effort than it seemed to be worth. Sebastian saw this and fell silent. He stood and waited patiently to the side until Ciel finally set his fork down, too exhausted to take another bite. Sebastian removed the tray and pulled the covers up around Ciel as he laid down.

"Can I trust you not to try anything while I take the dishes back to the kitchen?" Sebastian asked.

Ciel snorted. "This time. I'm too tired to do anything besides sleep right now, you idiot."

Sebastian sighed and picked up the tray. Being insulted by Ciel was usually irritating, but on this occasion the feeling was bittersweet. Just before exiting the room, he turned back to the small figure on the bed. "Sleep well, young master. I will check in on you later."

After waking the other servants and informing them that Ciel had taken ill and was not to be disturbed, Sebastian returned to Ciel's room to find him fast asleep. "You frightened me, Ciel," he said, voice so soft that Ciel might not have heard it even if he had been awake. "I am not accustomed to such a feeling, and I would appreciate it if you didn't do it again."

Sebastian stood there for a minute longer, just watching Ciel sleep,  reassuring himself that the boy was alive, at least for now. He began to wonder if forcing someone to live who clearly didn't want to was really such a good idea, but he immediately pushed the thought away. That was something he could ponder later. For now, Ciel was alive, and he planned to enjoy that for as long as it lasted.

 


End file.
